The Art of Derek Dohren

So, where was I?

Oh yes. I was working as a butler in Glasgow. I was truly terrible at it. The pay was rubbish, but the working conditions were excellent. I basically got to do whatever I wanted and got waited on hand and foot. And I only had to do a few hours a month. Lord and Lady C were very benevolent employers but I didn't know I was born. I took things for granted and started getting greedy. One morning Countess Jemillia me caught stuffing the family silver into a really big bag.

It was a fair cop. I had to go.

Still, you can have too much of a good thing and it was time for me to move on anyway.

So move on I did. I now live in Andalucia in Spain. Granada to be exact. I teach a little English and I try to sell paintings to tourists. It's not a bad life.

I've attached a photo below. Where I stay is about 6 miles to the left of the Alhambra. You can't see it on this. It's miles away.

So what else? Erm, well at weekends I work part time at the airport. I scrape bird strike off the windscreens with a big cloth and just do odd jobs here and there. I do an hour in the souvenir shop and am in charge of hats.

And there you have it. You probably envy me my glamorous lifestyle but believe you me it's not all fun. 

It mostly is, but not always. Like this morning it was lashing down with rain and I had a very inadequate umbrella.

I have to run now. I've just received a call about some plumbing issue in the Albaicin area. I do a bit of that too (plumbing).

* EDITOR'S Note:  Is any of this garbage true?

Oh aye, perhaps in retrospect some of this stuff isn't strictly all that true. Click here for the boring career resume drivel.